Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner


Whenever I saw someone else’s baby, the urge to have one that I could call my own was so strong. Babies are cute, fun, lovable, adorable, innocent…… When they smile, the whole world melts away. Their smiles could always chase away my sorrow. The smell of baby is such a pure bliss. When they are bigger and sometimes say the sweetest thing in the world, it makes you the happiest person ever in the world. I too, love babies and children. I too, have taken care of my niece and nephews when they were babies.

After reading the first paragraph, I guess most of you would want to shout out to me to give me some encouragement. “Go for it, Ashley……  What are you waiting for, have one baby of your own now…… You’ll be happy with your own baby…… It’s time for you to have one…… You’re not young anymore……” LOL! I could hear them already. :)

I am both an idealist and a realist. If I ever had the slightest feeling of uncomfortable, I will not do it. I know more than anyone else in this world, that I am NOT ready. I am not ready to take on that responsibility just yet. Well, I may or may not have my own children in the future, but for the time being, I am not prepared for it. I know exactly having a child entails great responsibility. And great responsibility means commitment. That commitment is one that I have yet to learn to pick up.

There’s another reason too. Last night I was talking to Andrew about having a child. I told him honestly that I would not be able to handle it if I have a baby without anyone there to help me. I am very sure I’ll have postpartum depression if I were to take care of the baby all alone. The postpartum depression runs in my family history, though not serious, the possibility of me having it is very big. Fortunately, Andrew agrees with me! LOL! He agrees that I would just lose it if the baby cries. Hahaha. It’s either I’ll just throw the baby away or I’ll burst out crying together with the baby. I have seen my sisters in that kind of situation, I certainly do not wish to see myself in the same situation too.

Financially, it is not a good time too with the house coming. Also, both of us have been enjoying the freedom of no-strings-attached.

Perhaps when everything settles down next year, we will start thinking and planning about it. I know, I know. It may not come when actually you want it. I truly understand. I am lucky enough to find a man that shares the same opinion and vision. :)

Right now, we are loving the way life is. We are not rich, we are in debts, but we are happy. Sometimes you just have to make the best out of it.

For the moment, I am simply enjoying taking care of and having fun with my niece and nephews. It’s wonderful to see them growing from small babies to BIG kids now.


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