…… She pretends nothing ever happened? Or she decided it was all a mistake and wants to get back in my life? Or she conveniently forgot what she has written and done to me?
She, again, starts leaving comments in my Facebook, as if nothing ever happened between us. She, is doing it again.
I was naive enough to believe that “this time would be different”. Am I still so naive to believe in that again? No. As the saying goes, once bitten, twice shy. What’s more that I’ve got bitten too many times.
It still hurts whenever I think of it. Well, not as much as it did. It’s just like bruises, the moment you got yourself bruised, it hurt madly. Then, before it dissolves to nothing, it hurts a little whenever you touch it. And you won’t notice the bruises if you do not touch it. That’s how it feels right now.
I chose to ignore the comments most of the time. I hope that she wouldn’t say I am ignoring her or do not care about her anymore. Hey, why do I still care about what she may say or think? Geez, it’s hard to learn not to care.
Some may tell me, let bygones be bygones, forgive and forget. I am sorry, I am not that great. I can forgive, but certainly I cannot forget. I have no problem with forgiving, but I would not forget what and why I forgive. To me, there is only forgiven, not forgotten. When I ask for forgiveness from someone, I too do not expect the other person to forget. Imagine someone slapped you and asked for your forgiveness, you choose to forgive, but you could never forget how that tight slap felt on your face! Unintentionally? Well, the pain is still there!
I am trying very hard not to be bothered by it. I hope I could brace myself enough to smile and say hi whenever I see her. It has come to a point I did not know what to do when I saw her the last time around. I felt so uneasy and awkward. Guilt? Shame? Detest? I have no idea. Do you?
It is funny, to see how big the impact the broken friendship has made on my life. I truly wish that no one would have to go through what I have been through. It costs too much of emotions, cuts too deep and hurts gravely.
Read something interesting somewhere last week:
You get hurt, because you care. One could never gets hurt if one does not care. 不在乎的话,就不会受伤.
How true it is.