I Lost It
I’ve lost my happy dust.
I was surrounded by happiness for a few months. If you have been reading and following my blog, you know just how happy I was. I was so energised and happy, I wouldn’t stay angry with someone or something for more than an hour. I was smiling and laughing and I felt life is so beautiful. I too believed that everyone is good in nature. I could shrug off any unfair treatment and respond with a smile.
Not knowing why I was feeling happy, I was happy enough to soak myself in all the happiness I was feeling.
Lately, it was gone. Just one incident, triggered everything and “happy” left me for good. I cried my heart out the other night. Feeling so alone and helpless. All alone…… Taking on all the challenges. Facing all the risks helplessly…… All of a sudden, I feel tired. So tired.
Everything is covered in a greyish veil. I no longer see life in vivid colors. I am still hopeful, because I need something to hang on to.
No, nothing could really comfort me now. I drained all my energy. I can’t pretend no more. I am NOT happy.
Strange enough, I can still put up a smile when I see my colleagues. It’s so tiring…… When you can’t pretend any more but yet you have to. Now, I can understand how a clown or an actor feels. It is their job to smile, even when they don’t feel like to. It is my job to pretend that I am okay, even when I am not.
Will a long break get me back to my happy self? How long is it going to take to feel happy again? When people say stop looking and it will come to you, shall I stop looking for happiness then?
It sucks, to feel UNhappy.