It Stops Here
I have this thought, or rather plan, or perhaps a dream…… Whenever I mentioned it, it often gave the person who was listening a shock of their life, especially the older generation. They start to form another perception of me, “Ashley is not what I thought she was!” So, I have always kept it to myself, except Andrew. I am lucky that he thinks the same way. Now, I’m making IT public……
If I had a child, I won’t WANT/EXPECT him/her to take care of me when I’m old.
When my mom heard it, she was so shocked. She asked, “are you saying you’re not going to take care of me too?” She didn’t hear me right, I don’t blame her. However, even after I explained to her, she was not convinced. What I want to do, is so different from her belief, it’s pretty reasonable for her to react that way. She must be wondering, what monster daughter she has raised. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom very much. Of course I’m going to take care of her, she’s my mom. What I mean here is, I’ll make sure I plan my retirement well, where to go when both Andrew and I are old enough till we can’t take care of ourselves…… Stuff like that. We don’t want to be a burden to our child. Also, we always believe that we should be the ones planning our own future.
Last week, mother-in-law gave me the “pressure” again. Although she kept repeating she isn’t forcing us, I feel the pressure. How can one keep reminding you of the same thing and not mean to pressure? Why is everyone chasing us to make decision? It is our life, not yours and certainly not for you to come and tell me what I should do. I want a child or not, it is for me to decide. I CAN have a child or not, it is also for me to know.
She was telling me how great it is to have a child, that you can talk to, that he/she will love you, that he/she will take care of you when you are old…… I blurted out that I don’t wish my child to take care of me in the future. Of course, you can expect her reaction. She was shocked too, like my mom. The moment I saw that reaction, I regretted and cursed my BIG mouth. She too like my mom, said the exact same thing! Do all the moms think the same?
The way Andrew and I want to raise our child (if we have any in the future), is so different from what others have been doing. Yes, it’s easier said than done, that we want to do it differently. However, both of us have the strong desire to break the “circle”. We don’t want our next generation to live the same way like we do now. We don’t want our child to live in the same beliefs that our parents want us to believe. We don’t want our child to live in our shadows. We don’t want him/her to be restricted by the same system that restricts us. We do not want a DUPLICATE of us. We are raising an entirely new generation, not copies of us.
To be honest, I do not know how we are going to do that, but we believe that when the time comes, we will know.
P.S.: It is easy, to WANT a child. However, do you know that it is difficult to raise one? Let’s not talk about the time, just the financial part. I can’t even support myself well now, how do you expect me to support another life? The diapers, nanny, day care, clinic visits, check-ups, toiletries, clothes, chairs, bottles, food…… My home is only 50% furnished, how do you expect me to furnish another nursery room? I told Andrew, I am a selfish woman, but I am also a devoted woman. I will give my child the undivided love, only when I can afford to do it. Right now, I can’t.
Andrew refused to let me have a pet dog/cat, he said, “don’t have time to take care of it”. So, you don’t even have time for a pet, do you think you are going to have time for a CHILD?