Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

You Are More Free Than I Am

Has someone said this to you lately? Or implying that you are more free than them?

I am married, without children. I have friends and colleagues who are married with children. I hate it whenever they want me to compromise my schedule to suit theirs just because they think (and say) that I am MORE flexible because I don’t have kids! Excuse me, your children is your life, I understand. Please also understand that I have a life too although I don’t have children!

Lately, anything regarding parenting or children caught my attention. Not because I want to be a parent soon, but I think I can learn one or two things for dealing with people that behave like children. This article in The Sun caught my attention this morning, The all-engulfing world of parenting.

“Some of them used to be so fun to be with, but now all they want to talk about is their kids. Their whole lives are their kids. It’s a bit of a shame, really, because they used to be so much more.”

It is both shame and sad. Do they not have other things to talk about other than the children? You may argue that many do not have the luxury of time once they have children of their own, their world revolves around their children. That is just so sad. I believe no matter how busy one is, a good 10 minutes of reading time is all it takes, be it a paragraph in a book, an article or magazine…… Oh yes, I’m sorry, I don’t have children and I don’t understand how difficult it is to find that 10 minutes. Don’t forget, by sitting in front of your computer or via your mobile browsing through Facebook, it can take you more than 10 minutes. If you have 10 minutes for that, what makes you think you don’t have 10 minutes for the news online?

Once they have transmogrified into parents, their time suddenly is deemed more precious than those without kids. “If you want to do something, it has to be at such and such an hour and at such and such a place, because, you know, you’re more free than I am. I’m a parent.” I wonder why parents have this impression.

Exactly! What makes the parents think that those without kids are more free than them?! I so often heard parents saying, “my weekends are for my family and children, can we meet on a week-night? Oh and I will have to get home by 9pm, so we will have to meet somewhere near where I live.” How fair is that for me? So I don’t have a kid means I can drive 20km away from my home and sacrifice that extra 30 minutes on the road so that you can get home early to be with your kids? So I don’t have a kid means I don’t have to get home early? So I don’t have a kid means I don’t have anything or anyone important in my life that I need to get home to early? Seriously, what makes a parent think that his/her time is more precious than those without kids?

I am glad that I have friends who are parents but they do not just talk about their kids. They too make the effort for a quick meet up and they would not request others to accommodate to their time and place. I am grateful of friends like them, they’re the ones who make me feel they are still who they are even when they have more responsibilities now.

Unfortunately, I too have friends who always want me to sacrifice for them as they think that I am more flexible and free than them since I don’t have kids. When they ask me out, they would give me a specific time and place and I will have to make myself available. If at all I can’t make it, they will be so surprised, asking “what are you busy with? You don’t have a kid and you’re so busy?”

Sigh…… Once, I told my colleague, I don’t have a kid, doesn’t mean I will be sitting at home watching TV and doing nothing at all. Or I can be so free to go anywhere at any time. I have a husband. Even if I were single, I would have an important life that I want to live.

I don’t have kids. That doesn’t mean my world revolves around YOU.

When I have a kid, it would be my choice. I would not make others sacrifice for a choice that I make. I shall be making the sacrifice, not my friends.

4 responses

  1. I just found out your blog thru Mel this morning.
    I likes reading your blog. Very personal yet informative.

    Haha cant argue with u here, most of my friends have kids already, their weekends always reserve for their family, they wont even bother to reply my sms/watsap/fb msg during these 2 days, eventhough it might take 5min todo so… However annoyed I am, I had to patiently wait for them to reply on weekday.

    About d girl gathering, ya, arranging a yamca sessions near my best friend’s house is a norm. But I’m ok with it, since my friend is a mother of 2 kids, another one on d way. So I think she is more tai sai! Lol. It’s only sometimes my hubby abit worry on me driving late at nite, since d fastest I can reach home is 30min.

    All in all, give n take lor. Since taking care a child is not easy, basically once they have hit home, their time basically meant for taking care their children, cook for them, bath them, revise homework with them, etc etc.. u know d drill. But when they are at office hours, they can chat non-stop with me. LoL

    May 12, 2013 at 11:50 PM

    • Ashley

      Hello Maggie, glad you enjoy reading my blog. :)

      Until today, I still have no idea why parents think their time is more precious than us who do not have kids. :) I understand that they have no-extra-time part, but I just don’t understand their-time-is-more-precious part. :P

      May 13, 2013 at 8:57 AM

  2. Not precious, just easy to bully!! LoL

    May 13, 2013 at 8:11 PM

    • Ashley

      I learned my lesson lah. Now I don’t compromise as much as I used to.

      May 16, 2013 at 9:55 AM

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