Where Am I Heading To?

It’s been weeks since I last blogged.

I miss writing, I definitely do. It’s just I don’t have the luxury of time to sit and think, and reflect. I sometimes get scared that the time goes by so fast and I have not done enough to achieve what I want to achieve. Frustration is catching up real fast… and stress.

I have always pride myself for able to deal with my stress beautifully, but recently I find myself giving in to the stress easily.

I am busy at work, but not that kind of busy that I will bury myself in work until I forgot to take my lunch or having a break. However, the stress level is very high. Tasks that cannot be done within the deadlines, outstanding issues that cannot be solved within a short period of time, prolonged issues from the past that keep haunting me every now and then, ad-hoc stuffs that required more attention and time, important but not urgent tasks that need more time than the rest, ongoing projects or assignments that can’t seem to end, people problems or issues that keep creeping back, constantly on my guards for fear that someone would stab me in the back again even-though I know I did not make any mistake……

I used to be passionate about what I’m doing, but I think I lost my passion somewhere along the road.

When you give your passion and effort whole-heartedly, what you get is disappointments and frustrations all the time, you can’t help but feel demotivated. I put in more passion and effort when I feel demotivated. I fuel my motivation from inside, but now I can’t do it anymore. I feel like an empty shell that I have nothing to give anymore, and I have nothing to draw from anymore.

I don’t know where this road will take me if I continue to stay on this path……

The only thing that makes me stay on this path now is the monetary reward, nothing else.

I seriously don’t know how long I can take all this.

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