Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

October 2013. An Eventful Month.

Sorry for the lack of updates here. October was clearly not a good month for me. The same thing happened last year, it happened again this year. I start to hate October. I wish someone could take out October.

I thought this time would be different, because I did feel a little different. I was wrong.

I was pregnant and I miscarried. This time, it was worse. I was 10 weeks when the foetus stopped growing, and I didn’t miscarry naturally. I had to go through a D&C to get rid of the pregnancy.

It was raining, on the day I got the bad news. I couldn’t help but blamed the god, if you’ve given me this gift, why did you have to take it away? Don’t give me something and take it back later! Don’t come tell me that you’re sorry that it was not meant to be.

I went from being sad to mad. I grieved, I blamed, I wondered, and finally, I got over it. All within a week.

I was surprised that this time, I coped so well.

Sometimes, I couldn’t help but think, would things be different if I were to go to the gynae that I’m seeing now? I should have gone to this gynae instead of the other one…… I shouldn’t have waited……

Now, there is still this tiny bit of sadness in the back of my mind. Two miscarriages…… How can I not feel sad? One put me in an operating theatre for the first time in my life…… How can I ever forget that?

The bad news, the D&C, the long medical leave, the pain, the recovery…… All happened in the month of October.

Please, can someone make me forget OCTOBER?

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 The child, that was not meant to be. Mommy loves you and you are always in my heart. Goodbye my angel, please watch over us.

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9 responses

  1. HUGssss Ashley for everything!
    October 2013 is over…its not gonna come back again. From now on it will be bright sunny day after the rain.

    November 7, 2013 at 3:40 PM

    • Ashley

      Thank you Mel Mel. Hope I see rainbow soon. Hahahahaha.

      November 8, 2013 at 9:18 AM

  2. I was debating whether should I leave a comment here or not.

    But I’m happy u cope with it so well and fast.

    I actually wrote a longgggg comment, with my bff experience and my own (no i don’t have miscarriage, just a reason y me & hb decided on not to have child at all) .. cos as u said u want to forgot it.. y i want to post something that remind u of the October incident.

    Go for holiday if can, once u fully recover.

    And don’t think anymore, there shouldn’t be anymore “what-if”

    Plus over thinking can kill u. Take Care.

    November 7, 2013 at 4:59 PM

    • Ashley

      Thank you Maggie!
      Ya, I try not to think anymore since it’s over. :) Life goes on as usual and I can only look forward for better stuff than dwell on the past. :)

      November 8, 2013 at 9:17 AM

  3. Miss Fanny P

    my prayers go out to you XXXX

    November 7, 2013 at 10:28 PM

    • Ashley

      Thank you Miss Fanny! *hugs*

      November 8, 2013 at 9:13 AM

  4. caroline

    Ashley hope you could pull yourself more stronger. If you don’t mind i suggested you to see Chinese Physician. My cousin married more than 7 years and tried very hard to conceive but failed at all times. She went thru In-vitro fertilisation (IVF), medication, injection….etc…. till recent she visited a Chinese Physician & finally she was pregnant. She just gave birth to a baby boy in July 2013. Traditional Chinese medicine treatments are dedicated to help you achieve your optimum health and well-being. jia you

    November 15, 2013 at 4:22 PM

    • Ashley

      Hi Caroline, thank you so much! Yes, I’ve just seen a Chinese physician last Sunday. I’ve seen him in the past, it’s just that I stopped seeing for a few years. Went back last Sunday and got a good scolding from him. Haha. Hope that I’ll be healthy again soon.

      November 15, 2013 at 6:13 PM

  5. Pingback: Healing. Mourning. | Fish Avenue

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