Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

The Pain That You Cause

At this age, I am still learning how to be more sensitive towards the feelings of others. At the same time, not to be overly sensitive over what insensitive people say and do.

Well, we are only human beings. We have feelings, and we feel hurt. We can’t help it, even when we keep telling ourselves “don’t”.

It still beats me to this day that why some people can be so insensitive. No, they are sensitive too, but they are insensitive towards others’ feelings.

These people, they do not like being questioned by others. However, they enjoy asking the same questions to others and causing pain. Here’s the example:

Miss X: Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.
Miss Y: I think it’s none of your business. (Feeling sore and miserable by the questions.)

Miss Y: Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.
Miss Z: Ermm…… I’m trying……

Or:

Miss X: When are you getting married? You two have been together for so long, it’s time, you know.
Miss Y: Well, he has yet to ask me to marry him. (Feeling more upset that Miss X pointed out the fact.)

Miss Y: When are you getting married? You two have been together for so long, it’s time, you know.
Miss Z: Ermm…… Soon……

They feel the pain of their own, yet they go on to cause the same pain on others. Why on earth would someone who is feeling the pain hurt another person to feel the pain too? What human beings are they? Don’t they know you “do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you”???? Is this some sort of revenge for what they’re going through? Or are they happier to see others suffer???

Just recently, I was craving for cakes and I wrote on my Facebook wall that I lost my appetite on food except cakes. Some commented that I am pregnant to have such cravings. Since when food cravings are limited to pregnant women only, for crying out loud?! My food cravings always come and go, don’t tell me you never have food cravings even when you’re not pregnant!

You know what is the pain about asking me if I was pregnant for having such cravings? You did not know that I just had a miscarriage. You did not know what I had gone through but you brilliantly went on to ask if I was pregnant. THAT, my dear, is the pain. I don’t blame you for not knowing what I went through, I only blame you for being so insensitive to judge and assume. If I hadn’t gone through a miscarriage, I too would have felt the pain because obviously, I wasn’t pregnant. And yes, you smarty pants just rang the bell of pain for me not being able to get pregnant. You could have just told me where to find delicious cakes to curb my cravings instead of bringing up the pregnancy stuff.

I deleted my status soon after that, because I do not want to see those questions again. Once again it proved that Facebook is such an evil place. I have to keep reminding myself not to post anything too personal anymore.

Everyone makes their own choices. We don’t usually like others to probe, but please don’t go probing too. You don’t know what others are going through and even if you think you know, you may not know it all. Some questions are better left unasked. What do you get even if you know the answer??? You get absolutely nothing. So what if you know??? You feel happy or sad for them??? Then, what can you do??? Absolutely nothing. Don’t cause pain when you know you can avoid it.

Next time, before you ask that question, ask yourself, has that anything to do with you?

Oh, if your friend wants you to know, you don’t even have to ask.

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P.S.: I am glad that I have a few close friends that never ever ask me when am I planning to have a baby. It isn’t that they don’t care, they just know there’s no need to ask. Aren’t you grateful to have met friends like this? These are the people that I love surrounding myself with.

6 responses

  1. CHEERS to Ashhhh…..
    I used to get this kind of Q “Hey, when are you going to have your own baby? What are you waiting for? You’re not that young anymore, you know.”

    It feels so bad. He/She doesn’t know the whole story…. but just throw in that kind of question. And thanks for reminding me about my age lor….
    Ya…I’m waiting for the sky to fall!

    November 8, 2013 at 2:09 PM

    • Ashley

      Yalor… I don’t know why they never think of how others would feel de. Sometimes really feel like telling them off it’s none of your business.

      November 8, 2013 at 3:11 PM

    • Mel, ops! I think I asked u once b4. Sorry ah, just being curious.

      Ash, ur case was abit sensitive. Dont mind them. I think they dint mean any harm. Just too free, nothing clever to say. :p

      I usually dont mind much d q. But recently one of my hb relative had talk behind us, created nonsense story about y we still childless. Tat really geram.

      November 11, 2013 at 12:06 AM

      • Ashley

        Not just because of my experience. If I hadn’t gone through miscarriages, I don’t like people asking this kind of question too. It’s not like they’re going to help us raise the child or have anything to do with our decisions. We make our own decisions, since when we have to tell others WHY and WHEN? Too free and nothing to ask then don’t ask anything lah.

        I just hope everyone should really think first before they ask those stupid questions. Just because they don’t know what happened doesn’t mean they can be ignorant. Right? Next time I’m going to be very blunt to those people who ask me this kind of question since they’re so ignorant about my feelings.

        About those 3 8 people that talked behind my back, I don’t really care now. Those people usually are not close to me. Hahahaha.

        November 11, 2013 at 9:03 AM

  2. So sorry Ashley… I was one of them who left that comment on your FB! My apologies to you!

    November 10, 2013 at 1:43 PM

    • Ashley

      You got say anything meh? Anyway, it’s passed already. :) Don’t worry

      November 10, 2013 at 2:47 PM

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