Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

Is Marriage For You? No?

Few days ago, I saw a few of my friends on Facebook sharing and agreeing to this blog post by Seth Adam Smith, Marriage Isn’t For you. I read through, and I can’t seem to bring myself to agree with him like the rest.

Most of the times, we ask ourselves, why do I want to marry him/her? The answers, would always come to this, “I love her so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with her building our own family”. This statement alone, is a selfish one. Selfish, yet loving.

The moment someone decides to marry someone, that, is already a selfish decision. Marriage, is a promise to be loyal and faithful to one person till the day you die. By marrying someone, you are asking the other person to give up other courters now and in the future. Isn’t that selfish?

Marriage, is also a commitment. You commit to love and care for each other. We expect love and care from our spouse, because it works both ways. We walk into this marriage knowing very well that the other person will love and care for us, and vice versa. So, isn’t that selfish?

Most of us (if not all of us), married for love. We have heard or read many stories that couples went against their parents to marry someone that they truly love. That, is selfish, isn’t it?

“Love is about the person you love.” Yes, of course it is. Don’t we all know that? However, if loving someone doesn’t make me happy anymore, why should I continue to love selflessly? Love, is a two way street. Now, isn’t that selfish?

In the process of making someone happy, I hope that I will feel happy too. If I feel miserable while making my spouse feeling happy, what is the point? I certainly do not wish Andrew to feel miserable too while making me feel happy. We do things that make both of us happy. Well, from the look of it, isn’t that selfish?

To me, marriage is for US. So yes, marriage is for YOU.

It is not about family, or our future children. It is for me, right here, right now. I may not have children, but I know for sure I want this marriage to last as long as it can possibly last. As long as I can love, I will love. As long as I am happy to make him happy, I will give. As long as he is happy to make me happy, I will receive.

Marriage is selfish, because it is about the two persons who love each other, ONLY.

Marriage is selfish, because two persons have to compromise to make it work.

Marriage is selfish, because it is a journey of constant efforts that two persons have to make.

Marriage is for US, and only us. If you are not ready to love, compromise and work, then marriage isn’t for you.

IMG_7207

Hong Lagoon, Krabi, 2013

P.S.: Haven’t we always heard, you have to learn to love yourself before you learn how to love others better? Love is selfish. It is an act that we do, hoping that we would earn the love from another person. I love myself. That means I will only love someone who will love me in return. I love myself enough to know that I shouldn’t love someone who can’t love me in return. Only our parents and God love us selflessly.

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6 responses

  1. I saw this in the kids FB and started a chain of discussion.

    November 10, 2013 at 2:34 AM

    • Ashley

      This is very much a debatable topic. I guess everyone has different view in marriage, and there’s no right or wrong as long as it works.

      November 10, 2013 at 2:44 PM

  2. Mrs Finkling

    interesting post and perspective – wrote a post recently on something similar – would love to hear your views on it…
    http://finkling.com/2013/11/05/me-love-you-long-time/

    November 10, 2013 at 6:35 AM

    • Ashley

      Thanks for reading :)

      November 10, 2013 at 2:42 PM

  3. It’s takes 2 to tango. Whether u r selflessly or selfishly, so long u 2 r happy, there is nothing wrong. There is no rule of thumb on marriage. Cos every marriage ain’t perfect.

    November 10, 2013 at 10:29 AM

    • Ashley

      Marriage ain’t perfect cos we are not perfect. :) Ya, what works on me may not work on you and vice versa.

      November 10, 2013 at 2:46 PM

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