Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

So This Is How It Is

I have always had gastric problem. When my gastric attacks, it’s really no fun. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat…… But this is something else…… I must say it’s worse than gastric.

Right after the first gynae check-up, my morning sickness came. The fatigue was the first to set in, then 2 days later I started feeling nauseous and it never stops.

I lost my appetite, even my favorite food can’t tempt me to eat. I hate drinking water. Everyday my mission is to think, what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don’t really crave for a specific food, ’cause I just don’t feel like eating at all. I’ve been vomiting everyday. Food I ate, water, gastric acid, even bile…… It’s no fun when your stomach is empty and all you can throw up is your stomach acid and bile…… That nasty, bitter, acidic BITCH!

I have tried a lot of things. People said crackers will help to absorb the acid, bullshit…… I eat crackers, I vomit crackers. Every time. Milo doesn’t seem to help too, whenever I drink Milo, it will end up in the toilet. Nestum oat sometimes helps, sometimes doesn’t. Chocolate is my worst enemy now. I don’t usually like sweet, and now I hate sweets. Milk you say? The moment I smell it I will already be running to the toilet. I can’t take bread too. I don’t have any cravings now. Except maybe mango, and sometimes ice-cream. I’ve been wasting food lately……

Went for second check-up and finally we saw the bean, with a flickering heart. Doctor said it was still too small to hear the heartbeat but good that the size is right and the heart is there. My worry is not over, not yet. I was only 7 weeks.

Doctor gave me some medication for gastric and nauseous, sometimes they help, sometimes they don’t. Sigh. Doctor said he wouldn’t ask me to eat healthily now since I’m having morning sickness. He told me to create my own food, find something that I like to eat and stick to it. He said even if I want nasi lemak everyday just go ahead and have it, feel like drinking Coca-cola just drink. My problem is, I don’t have my favorite food now. :(

I’m feeling crappy almost everyday. On better days, I can eat better and only vomit once or twice. During bad days, I lost count of how many times I vomited. Can hardly keep anything in my stomach. All I can do is eat, vomit, eat again, vomit again……

I was Okay yesterday, even walked a good 20 minutes and shopped in H&M with colleagues, had a big plate of chicken rice too. Today, crappy. Been vomiting since morning even after I’ve taken my medicines, couldn’t even finish half of my lunch. Andrew even thought of going to SS2 tonight to have a durian feast since I am now craving for it.

People said you gotta drink warm water, hell. Warm water only makes me feel nauseous. Room temperature water sucks too. I like cold icy water. Everyday I allow myself to drink a bit of chilled Coca-cola and 100Plus.

Don’t know when will this stop. Doctor said by 16 or 18 weeks…… My goodness……. That is like another 2 more months to go!!!

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