Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

Marriage Is An Act

Yes, marriage is an act because it is something that we have to constantly WORK on. It is not just a piece of paper with our beautiful signatures (my signature on my marriage certificate is ugly though, LOL) on it, nor is it a status that merely says you are now not available to date other guys/girls. The WORK doesn’t end the day you tie the knot. In fact, the WORK starts the day you say “till death do us part”.

I’m not an expert in marriage and I don’t give advice on relationship. I am just expressing my views.

Recently, I’ve read this piece of article written by some columnist, “5 reasons we can’t handle marriage anymore“. It has gone viral. There are people who praised the author for being spot on and of course, there are people who slammed the author for writing such a sh**y stuff since he failed his own marriage.

I’m not here to argue or support his points, I just think that there are more than 5 reasons that we can’t handle marriage anymore (well, some of us still can).

Sex, finances, social media aren’t good reasons that marriages don’t work. Yes, sex is important, but it’s not everything. Just like money, it is of course important, but money can’t buy everything. I’m pretty sure a couple will be able to work things out when the finances are tough. However, if one is unwilling to compromise and work it out, even the smallest stuff can cripple a marriage.

I’m not perfect, Andrew is not perfect (although he is close enough in my eyes :) ). There are times that we get so frustrated with each other but, we still respect each other. He is still the person I go to when I need advices, he still listens to my crappy stories, he still asks me to go movie with him and he still wants to spend time with me. If one of us doesn’t make the effort, this marriage won’t work (seeing that I got my temper and he’s got his own temper).

We are not rich, we earn enough to make ends meet. Now with a new family member (or I should say 3 since his parents are staying with us too :P), we have to work out how to spread the expenses. So, no, finances can’t be the reason that marriage doesn’t work. As husband and wife, sharing the load is essential. Unless you have a husband or wife that is rich enough to pay for all the expenses alone, sharing is definitely CARING. I can’t imagine if Andrew wouldn’t want to share the load, that would mean that he doesn’t care.

Social media is not a good reason that marriage don’t work. Yes, Andrew and I do spend time on our handphones browsing Facebook and stuff. However, we will tell each other if one finds the other person is doing it excessively. I will tell him I don’t like it when he spends too much time on his laptop, and he will tell me the same too when I am glued to my handphone all day. Communication is the key. If you don’t communicate, social media is the least you should worry about. In fact, technology helps us get closer. He would text me during the day, before this without WhatsApp, we didn’t “talk” to each other when we’re at work, until we finally met after work.

To me, the keys to maintain a marriage have never changed. It is our attitude to marriage that has changed. People now are more susceptible to temptations and having low tolerance to stress, when they hit an obstacle, they simply give up or give in instead of finding ways to make things work.

Andrew and I too experience ups and downs of a marriage. We too will argue and fight, but we will try to tell each other what we dislike before it becomes a fight later on. Years ago some incident happened, it is something I did not share with anyone. I did not even blog about it, but it is some thing I will never forget, a constant reminder. We worked it out fortunately. That’s because our love for each other is strong and we could not give up on the other person. I cannot imagine if he gave up.

So, to handle marriage and to make it work, requires a lot of work and effort. It is an everyday’s work. Nobody says marriage is easy. We can’t put the blame on the external factors for our failed marriages. We can only blame ourselves for not trying harder. Social media? Not getting enough sex? No money? Technology? They’re all excuses. As long as both parties are willing, things will work out. When one party fails, the whole marriage fails too.

I set my parents as an example. I will want to be like them, grow old together with my other half through thick and thin.

3 responses

  1. maggie

    So agreed with u on this. Most important thing was the participation from both parties. No point one was struggling to save the marriage while d other one took things for granted. Communication and compromise is d key.

    I have a friend who recently has a problem with hubby. Which I was really surprised. Since d hubby is a very caring and responsible man. But wife complained every time she has to be the silent one, being scolded or getting the blame on. I advised her to be patient, don’t fight with her hubby. The issue actually was very small case, but just bcos the hubby was too stubborn, no peaceful solution can be achieved. I said it is not worth it to divorce over these matters. Once “cold war” ended, find a time to sit down and talk about her boundary, how patience she is also has a limit. What thing that she really cannot accepts. Hubby loves her, I m sure he will won’t do the same act.

    Then my hubby asked, would u be quiet if he treated me like tat. I replied no. I will definitely sign the divorce paper. Cos my temper is far worst than my hubby, and I also more stubborn. Not tat I bully my hubby. But he know me is like tat, he still want to challenge me, mean he did thing without thinking d consequence ie a very irresponsible person, also very immature. I couldnt be together with someone like that. Then he was…hmm ok ah..made sense. So I warned him, then don’t repeat my friend’s hubby mistake oh. How angry u r, if u ever mention the D word, I would slap u, punch u and later appoint a lawyer myself!! Lol.

    April 16, 2015 at 7:54 PM

    • Ashley

      Same here ler! My temper oso worse than hubby, he really tolerates a lot. But he oso got show temper one lah when he cannot tahan. Hahaha. It’s not called bully, I believe one will tolerate bcos he/she loves the other person. Like u said, since the other person knows our character and some more want to challenge, very dangerous. I made this mistake before, I told myself I shall not repeat it. My hubby and I oso got one same understanding, we don’t simply mention the D word, not even when we r angry or quarrel, never ever mention it.

      April 17, 2015 at 12:26 AM

      • maggie

        So true. Unless u really mean it. Not said it while u angry but regret it on the next day. It was really immature.

        arh at least u learn ur mistake. aiks seriously which couple tak ada quarrel. we fight, we make up and hopefully along the way u learn ur mistake and understand more of your partner…. and the same cycle came back!! lol. as age grow, we both faced diff problem, at diff pace and most of the time, we have diff opinion. It was a very challenging task to have a same agreement.. but so long both of u willing to work on it, nothing is impossible. Share your dreams, your desires and your boundary with your partner…. but at the same time be truthful and be fair with him. And also respect!! lol.

        April 18, 2015 at 1:05 PM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s