I have a short temper. My temper comes very fast, but it goes very fast too. That also means I am impatient.
I can take your crap, but not for long before I start saying something that will really piss you off. When I say piss you off means it “burns”. LOL!
Before becoming a parent, my biggest fear was I couldn’t give my child the best, financially.
After becoming a parent, my now biggest fear is my temper will have a negative impact on my child.
When Lucy was a few weeks old, one night, I shouted at her when she refused to sleep. She startled and looked at me wide-eyed, not able to comprehend my loud voice and emotion. Immediately I felt the guilt and I said sorry to her.
There was another time I hugged her tightly in an attempt to calm her down (after 45 minutes of rocking and walking and singing), then I realised I was feeling angry and I let go of my grip. She did calm down, and gave me the brightest smile. Again, I felt guilty and told her I will not do that again.
One night, I was crying with Lucy in my arms when she refused to sleep. I was so tired and this little human refused to sleep. I was stunned by what happened next. She reached up and touched my face with her hand. When I looked at her, she was all calm and cool, her eyes were like asking me “what happened mommy”. That moment, I finally realised, that she can sense my mood.
From that day onwards, I always tell myself, be calm because if I wasn’t calm, Lucy wouldn’t be calm too.
Guess what, she can now fall asleep faster and better.
Occasionally when she does not want to sleep (due to over-stimulated, over-excited or after a long nap in the evening), I don’t stress about it anymore. I’ll just play with her until she’s tired. Of course there are still times I would raise my voice, but just to show her that I am not happy with her not sleeping.
It’s very tiring. Especially lately she’s been waking up in the middle of the night asking for milk. She used to sleep through the night, but now she’s waking up twice, once in the middle of the night, once in the very early morning. I just keep telling myself that it is just a stage and things will get better when she starts solid food later. True enough, lately she’s slowly adjusting herself to sleep through the night. I guess it was just her growth spurt back then.
She’s generally a happy baby.
Lucy is teaching mommy how to be patient. No one can be a better teacher than her.
P.S.: You have no idea what a child can do to test your patience.