So This Is How It Is

I have always had gastric problem. When my gastric attacks, it’s really no fun. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat…… But this is something else…… I must say it’s worse than gastric.

Right after the first gynae check-up, my morning sickness came. The fatigue was the first to set in, then 2 days later I started feeling nauseous and it never stops.

I lost my appetite, even my favorite food can’t tempt me to eat. I hate drinking water. Everyday my mission is to think, what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don’t really crave for a specific food, ’cause I just don’t feel like eating at all. I’ve been vomiting everyday. Food I ate, water, gastric acid, even bile…… It’s no fun when your stomach is empty and all you can throw up is your stomach acid and bile…… That nasty, bitter, acidic BITCH!

I have tried a lot of things. People said crackers will help to absorb the acid, bullshit…… I eat crackers, I vomit crackers. Every time. Milo doesn’t seem to help too, whenever I drink Milo, it will end up in the toilet. Nestum oat sometimes helps, sometimes doesn’t. Chocolate is my worst enemy now. I don’t usually like sweet, and now I hate sweets. Milk you say? The moment I smell it I will already be running to the toilet. I can’t take bread too. I don’t have any cravings now. Except maybe mango, and sometimes ice-cream. I’ve been wasting food lately……

Went for second check-up and finally we saw the bean, with a flickering heart. Doctor said it was still too small to hear the heartbeat but good that the size is right and the heart is there. My worry is not over, not yet. I was only 7 weeks.

Doctor gave me some medication for gastric and nauseous, sometimes they help, sometimes they don’t. Sigh. Doctor said he wouldn’t ask me to eat healthily now since I’m having morning sickness. He told me to create my own food, find something that I like to eat and stick to it. He said even if I want nasi lemak everyday just go ahead and have it, feel like drinking Coca-cola just drink. My problem is, I don’t have my favorite food now. :(

I’m feeling crappy almost everyday. On better days, I can eat better and only vomit once or twice. During bad days, I lost count of how many times I vomited. Can hardly keep anything in my stomach. All I can do is eat, vomit, eat again, vomit again……

I was Okay yesterday, even walked a good 20 minutes and shopped in H&M with colleagues, had a big plate of chicken rice too. Today, crappy. Been vomiting since morning even after I’ve taken my medicines, couldn’t even finish half of my lunch. Andrew even thought of going to SS2 tonight to have a durian feast since I am now craving for it.

People said you gotta drink warm water, hell. Warm water only makes me feel nauseous. Room temperature water sucks too. I like cold icy water. Everyday I allow myself to drink a bit of chilled Coca-cola and 100Plus.

Don’t know when will this stop. Doctor said by 16 or 18 weeks…… My goodness……. That is like another 2 more months to go!!!

Short Story #2 – The Bench

It was their favorite spot.

They loved to come here together. It was also a place where they would come when they needed to get away from it all, including getting away from each other.

They would sit there, shoulder to shoulder. Holding hands, looking at the magnificent lake, listening to the rattling leaves and allowing the breeze to caress their faces.

“If only we could waste our days away just like this”, she would always suggest.

“Not wasting, my love. Not wasting.” And he would always remind her. How could it be wasting when they were actually creating memories together?

“You know what I mean.” She would roll her eyes, as always. And he would pull her closer, kiss her hair and say, “Indeed, I do.”

Today, the need to get away from everything came knocking hard. Sitting on the same bench, looking at the same old beautiful lake, listening to the falling leaves and breathing in the cool air.

He caressed the bench, the empty seat beside him…… Solid, sturdy, polished…… Cold.

She had always loved this bench, it was love at first sight when they moved here. They would always come here looking for the other person after an argument. Arguments turned into hugs and kisses here.

Now, he was enjoying all these, without her. He missed her, so very much……

He was hoping, that she would come get him, as usual.

“I’ll be waiting, my love. And I’ll be ready when you come. Just don’t let me wait too long.” He whispered into the wind……


*I do not own this photo. Photo from the internet.*

Writing Ain’t Easy, But It’s Fun

Generally, I love to write. Most of the times, I express myself better in writing.

Recently I just have this crazy desire to write story…… Or I should say I have always been wanting to try writing a story. I’ve been writing about myself and what is happening in my life. I have not really tried writing a fictional story.

I’m a person who likes to dream. I’m not talking about those goals that I would like to achieve. I’m talking about daydreaming, imagining and let the thoughts wander…… Of course I don’t daydream when I work lah. I don’t daydream as much as I did when I was much younger. The window of time for me to be idle and let the thoughts wander is getting smaller and smaller. However, when I get that chance, I’ll just let my mind run free and imagine all things that I would love to imagine. I’ve never put those thoughts and imaginations to words. Now, I think it’s time for me to do that.

My vocabulary is at its worst lately. Many a times I couldn’t find the right word to express what I want to express. I have no one to blame but myself, for not reading at all for the past one year. Only did some reading on the internet. ARGH! Pick up a book and read, Ashley! Stop procrastinating! @__@

You’ll be seeing “short story” posts in the future. Of course, don’t expect incredibly fantastic stories from me. I’m not Patricia Cornwell or Dan Brown. :P


Short Story #1 – Mistake

The noise. The crowds. The lights. The faces. Everything seemed to be overwhelming tonight.

She gently swept her hair to the side.

She bit her lower lip, where he used to kiss.

The mere thought of it made her blushed.

Sitting in the restaurant, alone, waiting for him to show.

“He’s not going to come……” She thought.

“I love you, my dear.” He whispered in her ear two days ago. She was silly enough to believe that it was true.

She asked for the bill, and left the restaurant that they used to share dinner together.

He saw her leaving the restaurant. The look on her face made him wanted to run to her and hold her tight.

He knows he couldn’t. It was a mistake to tell her that he loved her. He had to right the wrong and let go.

“Let go…… You don’t belong to me, my love.” He whispered to himself.












~ Ashley



Living For Pain

It is strange
How you feel about me
How I feel about you

It should not be

It is odd
The way you look at me
The way I look to you

It must not be

It is bizarre
How time has worked for you
How time has worked on me

It can not be

It is not real
This is not real

To not feel the pain
To not see the pain
To not live the pain

It is painful to be awake
It is staying awake that can save me

Save me
Will you?

Save me.

~ Ashley

P.S.: How many of us can really pull ourselves back together after a tragedy? How many of us can really let go and live with the pain? They said, time is the best healer. But they forgot, there is some pain, even the best healer in the world cannot heal. The movie Snowpiercer inspired me to write this. Chris Evans’ character was living with a pain that he cannot let go. We can only try to forget, but we never really forget. We can only pray for the strength to overcome the pain, and live on.


Worth watching, if you can ignore some of the non-logical parts. A pretty inspiring story. Don’t be surprised when you see the Korean language in the trailer. It is a Korean movie, by a Korean director. But the movie is in English, don’t worry. :P

The Horror

I used to love horror movies (in fact I still love them) and I wouldn’t have nightmares after watching them. I could still go on with my daily life not worrying if I would see a ghost or some spirit is going to haunt me.

Years ago, when I was still a college student, I watched Ju-On together with my housemates at home. That movie, is my curse. I couldn’t get rid of those images from my head! I was so scared that I called Andrew (who wasn’t home to watch the movie together) and told him to come home IMMEDIATELY (he was my housemate back then). He would now recall that I sounded like I was just being robbed. LOL! Ju-On is really scary s*** I tell ya!

I have this love-hate relationship with horror movies since then, I want to watch them but I am also scared. Andrew doesn’t appreciate that part of me. He doesn’t like horror movies and he doesn’t understand why I still want to watch them when I feel so scared. He refuses to watch horror movies in the cinema, or I should say he doesn’t even want to watch them. I literally have to beg him to watch it with me, but he never budge. :( Luckily he said yes for watching The Conjuring in the cinema! That’s because I told him it’s based on a true story! The last time he watched a horror movie with me in a cinema (before The Conjuring), he fell asleep!!! T__T

I only watch horror movies at home when Andrew is around. Also, I will only watch horror movies after I take my shower. Hahaha. You ask, what has shower got to do with watching horror movies? All because of Ju-On lah! There was a scary scene happened in the bathroom while the girl was taking her shower…… Gosh!!! Don’t remind me of that! Andrew will always remind me to take my shower first if I want to watch horror movies. :P I dare not to go to the bathroom after watching the movies, or, I will leave the bathroom door open. Hahahahahaha.

So, why do I still love watching horror movies? Let’s just say I love the mystery or story behind every horror movie. There is always a reason behind a haunted place, and it is always related to human. Horror movies are, most of the times, telling you a story from a different perspective. Don’t you want to know why that house is haunted? Why the spirits become restless? Why the living ones did what they did? Why……

I have never watched the trailer above to the end…… Whenever I saw this trailer on TV, I would quickly cover my ears and close my eyes! LOL!!! I’ve not watched the movie too, it looks too scary. Hahahaha.

Few years back, Andrew got me this movie, Dead Silence, since I told him I wanted to watch. I put the DVD on, just 5 minutes the movie started, I close and off everything. That scene is the beginning of the trailer above too. The moment I saw it was zooming in on the bed with something covered underneath the blanket, I hit pause! I was so scared and, Andrew wasn’t home!!! I think I deserve a trophy for acting so quick to hit the pause button, it was lightning quick I tell ya! LOL!

There was once I saw this trailer on TV, can’t remember what movie is that. I didn’t know it was a horror movie trailer, I screamed the moment I saw the ghost! Idiot!!! And Andrew was laughing! @__@

Do you like horror movies?

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” – Hide and Seek

Jean-Claude Van Damme and Volvo

Recently, I saw this Volvo Trucks advertisement and my jaw dropped. I literally had to hold my lower jaw and close it! It was so cool!

Jean-Claude Van Damme, the famous action movie star, what is he doing in a Volvo Trucks commercial? That’s what I thought. Watch and you’ll understand.

Van Damme is old but he hasn’t lost it at all! Gosh…… I showed Andrew this, and he too went, “awesome”. You just gotta give your thumbs-up to Van Damme. Oh…… Sorry to say, I’m not a big fan of Volvo. ;) My thumbs-up and jaw-dropping moment were for Van Damme. :D

Speaking of Volvo, my friend showed me this commercial that they had it on American TV. I was laughing so hard and thought Volvo has really got to decide who their customers are.

Hilarious isn’t it? My friend said, Volvo is for vampires and he wonders how many vampires out there are driving a Volvo. LMAO!!! That commercial is so lame. Unlike Audi’s commercial with Iron Man. Vampire versus Iron Man, I’ll choose Iron Man, period. :P

Enough of Volvo jokes. :P Get back to work.

Another Chuck Taylor

As you know me, I prefer flats than heels. Ever since my RM39 red flats which I bought from Zalora worn out, I’ve been looking for a replacement. I hate that moment that when you wanted something badly, you just couldn’t find it. I’ve tried cheap ones, expensive ones, comfortable ones (as they claimed)…… None of them really gave me that comfortable feeling like the RM39 flats! Idiot…… I am stuck with my ugly but comfortable yellow Crocs…… And my red Chuck Taylor (I still love my red Converse)……

I was looking for a pair of white Chuck Taylor classic for a long time. All the stores I’ve been to are “out of stock”, I even left my numbers with them so that they could call me when they restock. I never received calls from them. Ish…… But Ashley, why white? You may ask. ‘Cause I can then pair it with anything, any color, any outfit…… Oh, and I wanted a high top since I already have a classic.

Was wandering in KLCC with Andrew after dinner on one Friday. Walked past Converse store and I said, “let’s go in and try my luck again”. Saw the white high top on display, I was sceptical when I asked the store assistant if there were any smaller sizes available. The shop owner heard and answered “try size 5”. I was surprised that they have sizes!!! I was yelping in delight inside! “They have size! They have stock wor!” I told Andrew. When I put that white high top on, my goodness…… I didn’t want to take it off!!! I was looking in the mirror (almost dance in front of the mirror) and kept asking Andrew, “nice right? It looks nice right? It looks so nice and it’s so comfortable……” That moment, I knew I gotta buy it NOW.

Fastest decision I ever made in buying a pair of shoes! Within less than 5 minutes. Hahahahahahaha.

Love my Chuck Taylor All Star!

White high top Chuck Taylor

P.S.: I’m still hunting for a pair of flats that I can wear with my work outfit. I don’t wear flats in the office usually. I wear flats TO the office, and change into my heels when I’m in the office, and change back into my flats when it’s after work. So, I still need a pair of flats that could compliment my work outfit. Crocs is just too ugly. :(

My New-found Passion

I was struggling to find what I really love doing. It was all over the place and I wanted to do so many things. Andrew told me to take my time to find it, it is not something that you can rush. There wasn’t one thing that I really LOVE doing and commit to it. Until, now. It was just like what people always say, you find it when you least expect it.

Recently, I found that I actually enjoy baking. :)

I enjoy cooking too. Whenever I can, I will cook. However, I don’t like the “aftermath” of cooking a meal. So many things to wash! Pans, pots, spatula, spoons, plates, bowls, chopsticks, chopping boards, knife…… And so much of waste to throw!!! I’m really lazy to cook whenever I think of that……

Whereas for baking, usually is just the mixing bowl, mixer, spatula, baking tray and measuring cup. See! Lesser things to wash and clean up. Also, it’s fast to actually whip up something to bake. Once you master the steps, it’s so easy. Mix everything up, put in the baking tray and into the oven, “DING”! Done. And the house would be smelling heavenly of baked stuff instead of smelling oily or stinky of the food you just cooked.

However, being an Aries, the biggest challenge is to make a new challenge/passion last. I am worried that this new-found passion will only last for a couple of months. I have to find new “challenges” for myself if I want this passion to last. So, I start baking for friends, colleagues and family. I make it a habit to bake at least once a week, be it cookies or cupcakes or muffins. I have to keep looking for new recipes. I have to keep exploring rather than feeling “safe” with the one-and-only recipe. I have to keep challenging myself!

My new mission is, learn to bake pineapple tarts! Andrew is a pineapple tarts fanatic. He can finish a whole jar of pineapple tarts within minutes!!! We only get to see or eat pineapple tarts during Chinese New Year. If I could bake it on my own, I can have it any time I want. When Andrew heard that I want to learn how to bake pineapple tarts, “GOOD! I like pineapple tarts!” First time he gave me respond like that on baking! Ish……. Just because it’s what he likes…… @__@