Life is the art of drawing without an eraser ~ John W. Gardner

Second Trimester

Weird First Times

I know everyone has his or her first time for everything, including myself. However, buying baby stuff for my own precious little one makes me feel weird. The weirdest thing I have ever done. LOL!

It’s not my first time buying baby stuff, but I have always been buying for other people’s babies. Whenever the sale-person asked me, I would just say “it’s for my friend/sister’s baby”. Now clearly, I am buying for my own baby. I even find it difficult to confess that I am expecting during my first trimester.

The first time I bought some baby rompers back home, the moment I took out and showed Andrew, he gasped. He couldn’t believe that I was buying them for our baby, I too couldn’t believe that I was actually buying them for my own child! That moment, was like a realisation to us that it is real that we are having a baby. Hahaha. Even right now, we sometimes still find it unbelievable that there’s a baby on the way.

I don’t know when will the maternal instinct kick in, perhaps it will come when I hold my baby for the first time. Right now, except feeling pregnant, I still feel like my usual self. I still want to go for a holiday somewhere and I still want to do things together only with Andrew. The house is still pretty much the same, for the TWO of us. I haven’t even got the mood to clear our room for the baby.

Other than buying baby clothes, we went to a mommy and baby fair recently. It was again so weird to be in the fair looking at those baby stuff. When I saw Andrew carrying that bag of baby diapers, I found it amusing. When I saw the diapers in the house, I told Andrew, “I never expect to see this thing in our house”. LOL! Things still feel surreal now.

DSC_0509The very first rompers that I bought, at FOS Kids. All below RM20.

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Loot from baby fair. It was so funny to see him carrying these baby stuff.

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The Growing Bean

It’s been a while since I updated my pregnancy journey.

I am now 24 weeks, been feeling baby move everyday. Sometimes she gets lazy like mommy, sometimes she can move all day long. :) It’s weird that how you wish you could feel her more and when she kicks up a storm you wish that she would be quiet for a while. It’s like what the doctor told me, baby kicks are not exactly fun, they are annoying most of the times. I still feel amazing how our body can grown another human being, every kick and movement I feel is amazing. There’s a life growing in there!!!

Right now, when I look back at the early stage of my pregnancy, I still shudder. No one would ever understand what I have gone through. Yes, it’s called morning sickness, and all that people know is you vomit. Little do they know that it can get so serious than just vomiting. My younger sister, who went through morning sickness during her pregnancy, would also give me advices like eat crackers, drink warm water, take small meals, it will be over soon, it’s like that…… I was a little upset that she too couldn’t understand it, and I was upset that I couldn’t make people understand it. Yes, I’m lucky that I have a baby, I’m grateful. However, that doesn’t mean I am not allowed to feel bad. I am so grateful that I have a husband who is willing to go all out to take care of me during those difficult times. I too feel bad for him that he had to go through all that with me. I tell ya, it was not easy for him.

Lately, the comment that I get the most is, “you don’t look 6 months pregnant!!! Your tummy look so small!!!” :( I’ve been wondering if baby is growing well, hearing such comment definitely doesn’t make me feel any better. Someone just recently said to me, “you don’t look pregnant at all wearing black color”. T__T Now my appetite is slightly better, when it comes to food that I like, I eat more.

Oh, doctor confirmed during the last check-up that it’s a girl! Actually, I have been feeling that this would be a girl. Even the name got stuck in my head since few months ago. Now I understand why the name came to me all of a sudden, “light at the end of the tunnel”. Just when I thought hope was dim and wanted to give up, there she is. :)

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My precious at 23 weeks and 4 days. She’s growing absolutely well. :)


First Kick

I’ve been trying to feel baby moves. I have Googled a lot too on what other mommies say about baby’s first move. Most of them described it as flutters, rumbles, little probing inside the stomach…… I am already 16 weeks (today) and I didn’t feel any of those! Until last night.

Since two weeks ago, I would often spend about 5 minutes, lying on my back on the bed, trying to feel if I could feel flutters or rumbles in my tummy. Yes, indeed I got a lot of those, but I know they’re just stomach gas! Because I could feel them travel from one place to the other and most of the times they’re above my belly button, which is not where the baby should be.

Lately, I’ve been feeling some weird flutters in my tummy, but I still don’t think it’s the baby. I’ve been having some stomach issues, they’re probably just gas.

Last night, was doing the ritual again before I sleep. Put my right hand (palm) on the tummy, concentrate on what I was feeling inside, hmmm…… I gave up after few minutes of not feeling anything. The moment I decided to give up, suddenly I felt a “tap” on the tummy and my palm felt it too! Holy cow! It was like someone was poking me from the inside. That wasn’t gas, was it?! Gas doesn’t move like that! That definitely felt new to me. However, I didn’t feel it again after that.

Just one tiny movement like that is enough to get me all excited. Hopefully I can feel it again tonight. :D


Pumpkin Grows

Finally, I can breathe a sigh of relief. Seeing baby is so active and doing great on the screen, really made me feel relieved. We could see those long legs, tiny hands, a little bit of her fingers, spine, her feet…… I was in awe with the ultrasound technology. Hahaha.

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 Doctor was trying to determine her gender, he finally said, “95% a girl, but we shall confirm that again in your next visit”. I was so happy to hear that! I’ve always wanted a daughter! Not that I don’t want a son, I’d still be happy if it’s a boy.

Two days ago, a sudden thought scared me. There’s going to be someone who will call me “mom”!!! I just can’t believe that I’m going to be a mother (in fact, am already considered a mother now). When I asked Andrew, “can you believe that soon someone will be calling you daddy????” He choked and laughed, he said he never thought of that. Hahahahaha.

Sometimes, I still feel guilty. Months ago when I found out I was pregnant, I was disappointed. There was once I even secretly wished for miscarriage. I realised how selfish I was the moment I saw her growing so well on the ultrasound.

I’m sorry, pumpkin. You’re the unexpected miracle. We can’t wait to hold you in our arms. :)


15 Weeks Update

At my 15 weeks now. My morning sickness has subsided a little, but not entirely. Sometimes I’ll be ok for a few days, only to feel worse again. My appetite has not come back yet either. I still get that sourish/metal taste in my mouth. I usually feel better during weekends when I get a lot of rest and food is easy at home. The happiest thing is, I’m off the anti-nausea pill. I no longer depend on it to feel better. Now I’ll only take it when the morning sickness is really bad.

Funny thing is, now I don’t drink Coke that much anymore. I don’t crave for ice-cream too. I still like cold drinks though. I hate Milo now. I’ll only have it at night when I feel a little hungry. My food aversions and cravings (I think I don’t have any yet) are still weird. I can’t exactly tell you what I hate and crave now. It would be easier if I crave for a specific food, much easier for Andrew too. The problem is, I don’t and it’s very difficult. Everyday I have to THINK hard what I want to have for lunch and dinner. Most of the times I don’t feel like eating at all. Sigh……

Appointment for the next check-up is this coming Saturday. I still feel nervous and worry. I’m not sure how the baby is doing, whether she is growing well. I can’t feel any movement yet, I can only hope that she is doing fine.

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 At 13 weeks. Not sure it’s my belly fats or the pregnant belly.

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 At 14 weeks. It’s getting difficult to suck in my tummy now. I don’t look pregnant at all, just belly fats.

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 Taken today at 15 weeks.

Pardon me that I have to take my photos in the wash-room. Hahahaha.

Sometimes I would feel that the tummy is getting bigger, but sometimes I feel that it is just my belly fats and all the gas. I feel like I’m playing a waiting game here. Waiting for the appointment this weekend to make sure everything is alright, waiting for the tummy to grow so that I won’t be in this awkward-tummy-or-pregnant limbo, waiting to feel the baby moves, waiting for the morning sickness to disappear completely, waiting to be able to eat normal again……


Pure Lazy

I consider myself a lazy bum even when I wasn’t pregnant. Now? Laziness at its best!

In the past, I rarely missed/skipped my skincare routine, every morning and night I would put on my skincare after shower. Now, almost every night I skip my skincare. -__- Even if I don’t, I’ll just pat the SK-II on my face. SK-II only, and not using cotton. I’m so lazy to sit there and apply everything. I just want to get on the bed as quick as possible. Make-up in the morning, I now skip my mascara as I’m so lazy to curl my eye-lashes. I know it doesn’t take long, but when you’re lazy, you wouldn’t even want to spend that extra 3 seconds. Also, my mascara would smudge (waterproof my a**) when I vomit. Yes, you “cry” when you vomit (if you don’t already know).

As I get short of breath easily now, I have Andrew help me in the shower. I’d sit on the toilet (with the cover down of course) and he holds on the shower head. Yes, I have to sit down when I shower. @__@ Oh, and he will blow-dry my hair after the shower. I know, I know. Go on and call me spoiled brat, I’m just plain lazy. Plus, I must enjoy all these privileges before they’re gone!

Since Andrew blow-dry my hair, I don’t bother with styling it now. I don’t even apply the hair oil anymore. When the curls behave, they look fine. When they don’t, it’s like a broom! -__-

I want hot Milo, all I need to do now is, “Hey…… Can you make me a cup of Milo pleaseeeeee?” Voila! Hot Milo is ready in 5 minutes. “Can you get me some water please?” Boom! Water bottle is refilled within seconds. “So boring, nothing to watch on TV”, there he plugs in the external hard-disk and I get to watch some new movies he downloaded. “I’m hungry”, “what you want to eat I’ll go and buy”. “Can you get me a pillow? I want Coke…… I want ice-cream……” Whenever I’m home, I’ll just sit on the sofa and then almost everything is “voice command”. I know, it sounds like I’m treating him like my maid. I do appreciate what he’s doing for me and I say thank you.

I don’t usually behave like this. I am really not feeling like my usual self. I have no energy to do almost everything. Do you know it’s been 2 months I don’t go shopping? I’d wait until I really NEED to get something then only I’d go, and it’s straight-to-the-counter-get-it-and-pay. Now I feel tired almost every minute and hour even when I’m sitting at home.

Complaining? Nope. Yes, I feel awful, but surprisingly the thought of complaining about it rarely crosses my mind. I don’t ask why this pregnancy is so difficult, or why can’t I have normal pregnancy, or wishing it would end soon. To someone who has had bad experiences before, all the symptoms are good signs.