Driver Vs. Husband

I have a valid license, driving license that is. However, I don’t drive. “You must be kidding, Ashley! What for you got a driving license then?” You know, just in case the need arises. :P Got it 8 years ago.

I don’t have my own car, Andrew does. He has been the one chauffeuring me around. So, yes, we spend a lot of time together other than at home. Another good thing is, we work in the same area. That is the reason why we don’t need a second car. We both know how burden it is to have 2 cars.

A lot of people are saying that I am lucky that I do not have to drive, and I have a 24-hour chauffeur to drive me around wherever I want.

Well, I never complain. I never find it troublesome to not have my own car. Even when Andrew can’t drive me, I find my ways. Taxi, LRT, bus…… There are times that I find it ridiculous for him to drive me all the way to somewhere and he has to go home on his own, I’ll tell him to just drop me at the nearest LRT station. Sometimes, he will insist to send me to my destination. I don’t argue, I just let him do what makes him happy.

I’ve tried to drive on my own, but he doesn’t trust my skill. :P He’d rather to chauffeur me than see his car got scratched and bumped. Hahaha. I’m not a bad driver, I just need time to get used to his car. The less I practice, the less likely I can drive! And guess what, I learned all my driving skills from him. So, who to blame?

About the point that I am lucky, is very subjective you see.

He’s willing to drive me around, he never complains. The only time he complained was to urge me to get my driving license, “just in case” he said.

He’s worried about my safety too. There used to be times I called him for help because I couldn’t get a taxi from a secluded place.

That is just his way of taking care of his wife.

By the way, my mom doesn’t drive too, and she doesn’t even have a driving license. My father has been the one who drives her around ever since they married. I never heard my father complained, except that he hates to wait. :) Andrew’s mom doesn’t drive too, and she too doesn’t have a driving license. Hahaha. But she does have a motorbike license, she rides motorbike to work, other time father-in-law will be the one who drives her around.

So, it is not that I am lucky that I have a “driver”. He is just, being a husband.

P.S.: When I need to go out and Andrew can’t send me, I’d take public transport. Very often, I would work around his availability. I don’t depend on him, I merely believe that he would want me to ask him first before I work out other options. Also, we always do things together, even buying groceries. :)

Weird First Times

I know everyone has his or her first time for everything, including myself. However, buying baby stuff for my own precious little one makes me feel weird. The weirdest thing I have ever done. LOL!

It’s not my first time buying baby stuff, but I have always been buying for other people’s babies. Whenever the sale-person asked me, I would just say “it’s for my friend/sister’s baby”. Now clearly, I am buying for my own baby. I even find it difficult to confess that I am expecting during my first trimester.

The first time I bought some baby rompers back home, the moment I took out and showed Andrew, he gasped. He couldn’t believe that I was buying them for our baby, I too couldn’t believe that I was actually buying them for my own child! That moment, was like a realisation to us that it is real that we are having a baby. Hahaha. Even right now, we sometimes still find it unbelievable that there’s a baby on the way.

I don’t know when will the maternal instinct kick in, perhaps it will come when I hold my baby for the first time. Right now, except feeling pregnant, I still feel like my usual self. I still want to go for a holiday somewhere and I still want to do things together only with Andrew. The house is still pretty much the same, for the TWO of us. I haven’t even got the mood to clear our room for the baby.

Other than buying baby clothes, we went to a mommy and baby fair recently. It was again so weird to be in the fair looking at those baby stuff. When I saw Andrew carrying that bag of baby diapers, I found it amusing. When I saw the diapers in the house, I told Andrew, “I never expect to see this thing in our house”. LOL! Things still feel surreal now.

The very first rompers that I bought, at FOS Kids. All below RM20.

Loot from baby fair. It was so funny to see him carrying these baby stuff.

Pure Lazy

I consider myself a lazy bum even when I wasn’t pregnant. Now? Laziness at its best!

In the past, I rarely missed/skipped my skincare routine, every morning and night I would put on my skincare after shower. Now, almost every night I skip my skincare. -__- Even if I don’t, I’ll just pat the SK-II on my face. SK-II only, and not using cotton. I’m so lazy to sit there and apply everything. I just want to get on the bed as quick as possible. Make-up in the morning, I now skip my mascara as I’m so lazy to curl my eye-lashes. I know it doesn’t take long, but when you’re lazy, you wouldn’t even want to spend that extra 3 seconds. Also, my mascara would smudge (waterproof my a**) when I vomit. Yes, you “cry” when you vomit (if you don’t already know).

As I get short of breath easily now, I have Andrew help me in the shower. I’d sit on the toilet (with the cover down of course) and he holds on the shower head. Yes, I have to sit down when I shower. @__@ Oh, and he will blow-dry my hair after the shower. I know, I know. Go on and call me spoiled brat, I’m just plain lazy. Plus, I must enjoy all these privileges before they’re gone!

Since Andrew blow-dry my hair, I don’t bother with styling it now. I don’t even apply the hair oil anymore. When the curls behave, they look fine. When they don’t, it’s like a broom! -__-

I want hot Milo, all I need to do now is, “Hey…… Can you make me a cup of Milo pleaseeeeee?” Voila! Hot Milo is ready in 5 minutes. “Can you get me some water please?” Boom! Water bottle is refilled within seconds. “So boring, nothing to watch on TV”, there he plugs in the external hard-disk and I get to watch some new movies he downloaded. “I’m hungry”, “what you want to eat I’ll go and buy”. “Can you get me a pillow? I want Coke…… I want ice-cream……” Whenever I’m home, I’ll just sit on the sofa and then almost everything is “voice command”. I know, it sounds like I’m treating him like my maid. I do appreciate what he’s doing for me and I say thank you.

I don’t usually behave like this. I am really not feeling like my usual self. I have no energy to do almost everything. Do you know it’s been 2 months I don’t go shopping? I’d wait until I really NEED to get something then only I’d go, and it’s straight-to-the-counter-get-it-and-pay. Now I feel tired almost every minute and hour even when I’m sitting at home.

Complaining? Nope. Yes, I feel awful, but surprisingly the thought of complaining about it rarely crosses my mind. I don’t ask why this pregnancy is so difficult, or why can’t I have normal pregnancy, or wishing it would end soon. To someone who has had bad experiences before, all the symptoms are good signs.

10 Things Married Women Are So Sick of Hearing

Saw this article on Women’s Health FB page and out of curiosity, I read it. They’re pretty hilarious and TRUE.

10 Things Married Women Are So Sick of Hearing

1. So, when are you going to have kids?

This is what I get the most! I know it’s the society norm to get married and have kids, but it is not an absolute thing that a married couple MUST do. I don’t know why people like to ask this question as if it has anything to do with them whether or not I have kids!

2. What’s it like?

When I just got married, people (single especially) around me liked to ask, “so, how is married life?” Seriously, are you really interested to know?

3. You’re different now.

I often got comments like this when I cracked a joke or when I UNDERSTAND some dirty jokes. “Whoa, now that you’re married you’re totally different! Hey, you talk different after you’re married! Oooohhhh, someone’s become naughty after she got married.” –___– Give me a break!

4. When are you changing your name?

Lucky I never get this.

5. Are you going to buy a house?

I got this very often too. Trust me, they never stopped asking until the day I put my down-payment on the house. And after that, the question changed to, “when are you moving to your new house? Are you going to renovate it big time?” @__@

6. What do you think of your in-laws?

What I got is, “how are you getting with your in-laws? Good? Are they good people?” Really, I don’t see how it concerns you. If it’s my parents and close friends who genuinely care, I don’t mind.

7. Do you ever get sick of each other?

Andrew and I are very much in love, I can’t speak on his behalf but I know I always like to be together with him. Wherever I go and whatever I do, I will always like to go and do it with him. When people know that we’re two love birds who can’t separate from each other, they often ask me, “C’mon, you’ll have to be more independent. Aren’t you sick of seeing each other everyday? Don’t you need some alone time?” Yes, we do, we don’t go to the toilet together. ARGH!

8. I could never get married.

No, no one has said this to me.

9. You wouldn’t understand: You’re married.

Yes, someone used to say this to me A LOT. Like the writer said, it’s like I’ve been married since the day I was born and I was never single. When I was single and didn’t have a boyfriend, the same person used to say “you wouldn’t understand: You’re never in love”.

10. Is he your best friend?

I only have people asking me, “do you tell him everything? Do you keep secrets from him? Oh, you do tell him everything. So, he’s your best friend huh?” DUH!

No One Told Me These

I have had friends and family pregnant before. They would tell me how it’s like to feel the baby kicks, the morning sickness, the backache, the food cravings and aversions…… However, they never told me how serious things could get! I wish they would have told me that it isn’t all ‘lovely-pink-roses-shower’ when you’re pregnant. When occasionally I heard the serious part, it is usually the extreme like bed-rest for months. Perhaps they didn’t want to scare me off, but I really wish that I knew all these earlier and at least I could have been mentally prepared and not feel so bad or panic when it happens.

1. Morning sickness could be all day and night. I wonder why it’s called MORNING sickness, it should be ALL-DAY sickness. @__@

2. No one has ever warned me that you could vomit that nasty bile juice!

3. You’d feel tired and fatigue all the time, that means you feel like SLEEPING 24/7.

4. Every pregnant woman has told me about the food cravings and aversions, but they failed to tell me that you may not have one and you may crave for different food EVERYDAY! Oh, and what you craved yesterday you may hate it today. Oh, you may just hate it right after you took 2 bites.

5. Milk will make your morning sickness worse.

6. Shortness of breath. I got so panicked when I was panting like I just ran a 10km marathon although I just walked for 5 minutes! I even got short of breath when I was washing my hair in the shower! Thought I was going to have a heart attack. -__-

7. Pregnancy glow? They forgot to say that most of the times you’ll have the sick-zombie look on your face and others will be wondering if you just got back from the “land of dead”.

8. It’s better to keep your make-up or skincare (or use organic ones) to the minimum when you’re pregnant, I didn’t know they were trying to say that you’ll be too darn lazy to spend time on your face or you’ll be too sick to do that.

9. Popsicles or ice-cream can cure morning sickness, it’s bulls*** about DON’T eat cold stuff. Just make sure it’s not home-made that contains raw eggs.

10. Smells can trigger nausea, that’s including things that smell nice. Perfumes set off my nauseous alarm big time, I don’t wear perfume now and I have asked hubby not to wear it either.

11. They told me crackers are good for morning sickness, but they didn’t tell me you will still vomit them out.

12. Your hormones can make you feel very emotional. That means sometimes you’ll sit there crying for 15 minutes for no reason at all and your husband will panic wondering if he has done something bad or you’re hurting somewhere.

13. You have to eat/drink healthy. However, when you don’t have the appetite for food, French Fries and Coke are considered “healthy” if you WANT/CAN eat. Better than not eating anything at all.

I really wish someone would write a book on all the possible symptoms that you’ll have when you’re pregnant, good ones, bad ones. Not for the purpose of scaring people off, but more of preparing all the women out there who’s planning to get pregnant or is already pregnant.

How Do I Teach My Children In The Future?

The recent “Soup Kitchens Ban” news spread like wildfire.

I am aware that there are a lot volunteers out there feeding the homeless, my colleague is one of them. When I heard “some” minister cleverly suggested to ban soup kitchens just because he thinks it’s not good for the city image, I was shock.

Our city image, not just tarnished by the homeless and beggars, but also by a bunch of people who do not know how to manage the city!

If stop feeding the homeless can really get rid of the homeless problem, I think we should stop paying salaries to the government servants and make them all volunteers to curb corruptions. Isn’t that the same theory?

Also, the homeless now at least get one proper meal (and it’s not a luxury 3-course meal) in a day, if no helps come their way in the future, who knows they may get desperate and start robbing or stealing just to get a meal to live on. The government is already not helping these people, and now they want to ban volunteers from lending a helping hand? Worse, punish the person who helps.

Andrew has always been a kind soul to people who need helps. He would always give a dollar or two to those who asked, but he doesn’t just give to anyone that comes. He’s very good in observing. We used to bump into a man with his wife in a restaurant asking for donation, Andrew has given him money a few times. One day I asked him, “the man is clearly capable of working, why do you still give him money?” “Did you see the wife? She doesn’t look mentally healthy, and you look at the man’s shirt and hands, the fingers and nails are all dirty and black, obviously he has a job, some hard labor maybe. I think he needs extra money for the wife’s medical expenses.” I was so touched and surprised that he could see so much that I didn’t. From that moment onwards, I’ve told myself to see beyond. I would also love to teach my children (not just my own, my friends’, my nephews and nieces, any child) to always be kind like Andrew but see beyond and know when to help.

If at all we were banned (and fined) from helping the needy, how on earth am I supposed to teach my children in the future?

NO! You can’t help them, you’ll get fined!

NO! You shouldn’t give them food or money, the police will fine you!

“But mom, the books and teachers told us we have to be kind and help those in need.”

What will the world become without empathy and kindness? Everyone will be so selfish.

I seriously don’t want my children to live in that kind of world.

The Impossible

My period was late. Never did it cross my mind that something was amiss. Sometimes it did come late. Four days past…… Hmm…… Five days…… A week……

Me: Something somewhere not right, my period is late for a week.
Him: Huh…… Hmm……
Me: But I feel all the PMS, swollen and sore breasts and some discomforts.
Him: Then just wait lah.

8 days…… I couldn’t take it anymore. Went to the pharmacy and bought a home pregnancy test although in my mind I was thinking, “it’s bloody impossible!”

Him: Don’t worry lah. I have a feeling that it’s false alarm lah.
Me: Hope you’re right. Impossible also lah.

The next morning I took the test. Double line!!!! NO! You second line go away!!!! I waited another 5 minutes hoping the other line would go away! It didn’t…… Bloody hell!!!! How can it be????!!!!!!!! My heart sank……

Yes, I have to admit, I wasn’t feeling happy. I’ve had everything planned and I didn’t like this SURPRISE! I’ve had two miscarriages before, I can’t deal with another one in such a short time and especially this is another “unplanned” one!

Me: Congratulations, you’re going to be a father.
Him: HUH……………. Okay…………..
Me: How can it be lah…… Impossible lah…… Bloody hell……

Andrew was having mixed feelings, he was happy but worried too. I was sad for two days. I couldn’t accept the fact that I am pregnant! I kept questioning, how could it be, why now, why, how now…… This came as a bigger surprise than the first pregnancy. I was so giving up on trying and moved on to make other plans. Now this!!! Geez…… I should be more careful! ARGH!!!

After been to the doctor, saw that tiny sac, I finally accepted. There it is. I just hope it won’t miscarry this time.

Type-r

I have been writing (I mean typing) a lot, but posted nothing. Every time when I was half way through, I read from the top and I deleted everything. What crap I wrote. I seriously don’t know what’s going on with me, I can’t write like I used to.

I’ve been reading, but I don’t get inspired to write.

I’ve been watching movies, but I don’t feel the urge to blog about them.

I’ve been living (yes, of course!), but I don’t feel the energy to write about my life anymore.

I’ve been working and challenges never stop, but I don’t dwell on them anymore.

A lot of things happened, but I just can’t seem to put them into words.

I have thought of a lot of things that I could write, but when my fingers lingering on the keyboard and eyes looking at this white space, everything just goes out the window.

It’s getting worse lately, I am so lazy to write, or even think. I’d rather be a couch potato watching television shows all day. Sigh……

I need motivation……

Clock Is Ticking

How many people have reminded me that my clock is ticking…… My biological clock that is…… More precise, “you’re not young anymore Ashley, when are you going to have a baby?”

However, I think people got bored of asking me that question already. :) I get lesser of that nowadays. Friends have stopped asking actually. Perhaps they know what I have gone through and they know by asking the question again would have brought up some unhappy memories. My family has too stopped asking me that. They know very well whatever my decision is, I have my reason and they understand. Only a few will still ask me the question when they see me, but they don’t bother me because they’re not important to me.

When I see a baby, I will go “awww…… Look at her/him, so cute!” When I remember the time taking care of my niece, I will go “OMG!!! Can’t she just sit still?! Can’t I have 5 minutes of me time?! Milk again?! Didn’t she just eat?! Potty!!!” I faint. Of course, there are times that she will be real sweet and cute and behave herself.

I must say that I got very selfish now. I’ve been enjoying the freedom far too long and I now don’t seem to know how to share my time with others. I freak out the moment I realise there won’t be any TV time at night when I get home from work. My head spins a little when I think of the time I’ll be spending in doing all the washing and changing diapers. Also, I don’t get to watch movies whenever I feel like, I won’t have time for Andrew and he won’t have more time for me, we won’t be holding hands when we go out anymore because we will be pushing the stroller and carrying the bag, we can’t travel together anymore without having to worry and care for another person…… I am selfish, I want Andrew all to myself. I can’t even imagine sharing him with my own child. @__@ Having a child is a lifetime commitment, there won’t be an end to it……

The question of to have a child or not, has again come to the surface. I love babies but I just don’t think I can take care of one. Yes, you may tell me the mother instinct will kick in when you have a child. Yes, you will tell me the baby’s smile will worth all the hardships that you’ll have to go through. I know, I know all of that very well. However, I have doubt in myself. And yes, you will tell me everyone has doubt in themselves until they have their own child.

What is the purpose of having a child?

Is it wrong to not have a child?

I am not sure of what to do now. To have, or not to have?

Andrew said, let the nature take its course.

I can’t. I’m not one who doesn’t plan and leave everything to nature’s hands.

Your clock is ticking, Ashley. It is ticking……

Super Dry

No, I’m not talking about the brand. And NO, not about sex! (Hmm…… Maybe someday I should write something about sex. I’ve never tried writing about it. HA!)

My sense of writing is at its super low now and my creativity is super DRY!!!!!!!! Perfect timing with the water rationing recently, DRY!

I’ve picked up a new book to read, hoping that it would get me “replenished” and motivate me to write something again. ARGH! It’s not helping. I am flipping the pages merely for the fun of reading the book, my brain doesn’t seem to bother to digest and save some vocabs for use later. I really enjoy reading the book, and that’s it. Don’t ask me if I’ve learned a new word or two from it. No, I’ve NOT. :(

Watching movies doesn’t make me think or reflect too.

Reading blogs doesn’t seem to do the trick too.

Listening to stories doesn’t motivate me to write something about it too.

What happened lah????!!!!!!! I have actually written a few blog posts but I stop half way on all of them…… Half way through, I felt that I was writing rubbish. LOL!

Don’t worry, I am not abandoning my blog.