Two months ago, received some bad news at work. Since I had to work out the schedule and costs for the bosses, and keep it confidential, I did not have time to think about how it affects ME.
Days went by, weeks went by, I was so bogged down with the work. The reality and feelings had no chance to sink in. I know it would affect me for certain, and that’s it. I did not know what will hit me though.
Until few weeks ago, the ball finally started rolling. I finally had the time to take a breather, and everything came tumbling down on me.
Sitting down, looking at the letter that I drafted, written, typed, printed, folded, I was overwhelmed by feelings and emotions. Happy that I finally get the push to start planning for a different future, sad that my journey with the company would be cut short, fear of the uncertainty of the future, doubt the decisions that I would be making……
The events that unfold in the following week, got me heartbroken, sad, worried, confused, angry…… All the plans I had in mind have to hold, my dreams will have to wait again.
My feelings were so overwhelmed that I couldn’t find a way to let them all out. I sort of swallowed all of them instead of pouring them out. I did talk to Andrew, but I thought I was matured enough to handle my feelings well. The feelings never went away. In fact, they built up so quickly that I wasn’t even aware that I was at the brink of a breakdown. Until one particular night, I got so angry with Andrew during the dinner over something very small. I snapped and cried my heart out in the bathroom, alone.
Later that night, Andrew asked me one question and that was when I couldn’t hold it anymore.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asked.
He must have sensed something. That one simple question was enough to trigger every emotions. I shook my head, that I’m not okay and cried for another 15 minutes.
I didn’t realise I was so tensed and stressed. I didn’t take time to really think about all of it and I brushed it off when it was actually bothering me.
I was at the edge. Not knowing what to do next.
That one question, pulled me back to the situation now and gave me a chance to release it all.
I managed to sort out my thoughts after that. The future is still uncertain, but at least I know what my options are. I still have fear, but knowing that there will still be a future is at least comforting.
If you have friends or family going through a difficult time, please take time to show that you care. Put your hands around their shoulders and ask them with your heart, “are you okay”. Be a good listener, give them a hug and assure them that you’ll be there for them no matter what.
Sometimes, all we need is just a shoulder to cry on.