Healing. Mourning.

Time flies, it’s been two months. My body is still healing from the miscarriage. My heart, still aches sometimes.

I feel a lot more guilty this time, because I seem to be coping very well with the loss. I feel that I didn’t mourn the unborn child enough. The feeling of guilt is so strong now. Someone in a pregnancy forum told me, moving on faster this time doesn’t mean I love it any lesser. However, I feel terrible.

I don’t want to forget. I force myself to remember it every 23rd of the month. I would count, one month, two months. Subconsciously, I will try to make it difficult for myself.

I have thought of getting myself pregnant soon, but I know that is not what I want.

I too have thought of giving up on having a child, knowing that Andrew would not mind.

But it is just so not me to give up something so easily. Especially when I know I have not done my best.

Having a child has never been the priority in my life. I’m not sure if I should make it one now.

P.S.: I would be 5 months pregnant now if I did not miscarry……

Gifts For Him Vs. Gifts For Her

I’ve always heard people said, “I don’t know what to get her this Christmas, she’s got everything”.

People who said that, obviously have not bought a gift for a man before. I think!

It always puzzles me when people said that. If you’re really out of idea, just a cosmetic/skincare/bodycare gift box would really make her grinning from ear to ear.

A woman would never complain she has too many bottle of perfume.
A man though can be very choosy for the scent.

A woman would never say no to jewellery.
A man though doesn’t usually wear jewellery!

A woman would always be happy to receive flowers.
A man though doesn’t seem to appreciate the beauty of flowers.

A woman would be happy to receive soft toys.
A man though doesn’t like to be associated with anything fluffy and cute.

A woman doesn’t mind to have an extra purse.
A man though carries one wallet until it’s torn.

I’ve thought of pen. Nope, he doesn’t carry one around.

How about wallet? No, the one he’s using is still new.

Shoes? Sorry, I will have to bring him there for fitting. So, no.

Shades? He doesn’t wear them, and he lost the Armani pair that his brother gave him all because he rarely wore them and he forgot where he put. -__-

Gadgets? Toys? They’re too expensive. He’s into remote control helis and stuff, but they’re so bloody expensive. He likes the new Play Station 4, again, it is damn expensive. You have no idea. He doesn’t simply splurge, but he has expensive taste. @__@

Watch then. I know he likes one of the G-Shock watches, but it’s so expensive! And I think I’ll save that for his birthday.

Think I’m left with clothes and perfume. SIGH…………………………

Now, don’t ever tell me it is easier to buy gift for a man!

Random #16 – Office

Wow…… Looks like it’s been some time since I last posted something “random”.

Two days ago, my colleague told me something funny and when I heard that, I laughed hysterically. I couldn’t stop laughing whenever I think of it.

Colleague 1: There’s someone from Jurassic Park looking for you.
Colleague 2: HUH???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It turned out that someone from the lawyer firm Zulrafique & Partners came.

Zulrafique & Partners = Jurassic Park???????!!!!!!!!!

Now, go laugh your a** off. I know you want to. :P

Lesson learned, make sure you get the name correctly, don’t make yourself look like a fool. :P

How Else Would You Spell ASHLEY?

Ashley, is a pretty common name I would say. When someone tells you his/her name is Ashley, the spelling that comes to mind would be either Ashley, Ashlee, Ashlea, Ashlie, or even Ashleigh.

However, I know for some people, to pronounce Ashley is a chore. That’s because right after you make the “O” from pronouncing the “Ash”, you have to immediately pull your lips back to pronounce the “lee”. Some may even have problem saying the “sh”. So, the name will sound like “Asley”. @__@

Ashley, isn’t my Christian name since I’m not a Christian. It is a name which I gave myself when I started college because the tutors and lecturers couldn’t pronounce my Chinese name correctly. Mind you, my Chinese name isn’t too difficult to pronounce and I have no idea why a lot of people always couldn’t get it right! Little did I know some people would still have problem pronouncing Ashley. T__T

Over the years, I’ve received emails from people addressing me “AshEly”. I’m not sure if it was a typo or what. My email address clearly states “ASHLEY”, but they would always write “AshEly”! With the “E” in front of “L”! Always! Something wrong with their eyes?????????

Fine, I could take “Ashely” as a typo. How about “Ashly”? Where’s my “E”???!!! Again, do they have problem reading email address? Not just once, emails after emails with my signature at the bottom which says “ASHLEY”, they insist to address me as “Ashly”. I bet they must be starving to have eaten the “E”.

Then, I have people writing to me and addressing me as “Asly”. @__@ You must have noticed. “Ashley” got shorter and shorter. I totally understand, “Asly” way much easier to pronounce. However, I don’t remember pronouncing my name as “Asly” when I talk to people. I know how people could have missed the “sh”, I always emphasize on pronouncing “Ae-ssshhh-lee”. There is no way one could miss the “sh”! Sigh……

The most recent one, and it didn’t happen just once, but twice! In Starbucks! Seriously, I’m wondering if Starbucks management gave all their staffs a list of names to be written on the cups whenever they hear such names from their customers. I happily told them my name is “Ashley” when they asked for it. What appeared on my cups was this:

Starbucks Can't Spell

This isn’t the first time I got “Esly” from Starbucks. The previous time I didn’t bother to take picture of it. -__- “ESLY”!!! Why “Esly”?! My pronunciation can’t be that bad! Or people nowadays pronounce “Esly” with the “ash”? @__@

My friend then showed me a link that “Starbucks Employees Can’t Spell Names Well“. It was horrendous! I feel sorry for those people! Then I thought, would the employees have done it on purpose? You certainly know what vagina and anus are! Suddenly, “Esly” seems so much better.

I have also heard some people pronounce “Ashley” as “Asli”, which is the same pronunciation for “orang asli” (which means native)! T__T Some would even make fun of it by saying, “Asli??? Orang asli ke awak ni???” And they laughed. *Cries* Why like that????

I can only blame myself…… SIGH. –_____–

Fast & Furious Will Never Be The Same

I believe most of us know him from The Fast and The Furious. He was a young lad back then. It was only few months ago that we’ve seen Fast & Furious 6. Now, he’s gone.

Few days ago, I woke up to my Facebook flooded with the bad news. I didn’t want to believe it, I went Google to see if it was a hoax. I was hoping very hard that it was just another hoax that people created. This time, Google disappoints me. The news was already on BBC, it wasn’t a hoax. Within minutes, my Facebook was flooded with pictures of him.

I don’t know why this time a celebrity’s death could make me feel so sad. I was sad when Michael Jackson died, but not like this. I didn’t cry, but I felt the heart-ache. I got teary looking at all the RIP messages on Facebook. It’s weird for me to feel the pain when I don’t know him at all.

Is it because I’ve seen all of the Fast & Furious series? Is it because he was too young? Or I feel sorry for him to die at the peak of his career? Or because I won’t see him in Fast & Furious anymore?

People have been saying that we only remember Paul Walker, but we forgot there’s another person who died, which was his friend, Roger Rodas. Just because he wasn’t famous, nobody seems to notice. According to the website, he was only 38, even younger than Paul Walker.

A lot have also said that Paul Walker was only an average man you could find off the street and he didn’t deserve what he was having. Well…… To me, he was still a great actor and someone who did his part to make the world a better place.

Are good people destined to die young?

Too young. Too soon. 

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Picture from Facebook

Philippines Relief – Reach Out Worldwide

Pacific Rim

Pacific Rim is also one of the much anticipated movies this year. When Andrew and I saw the trailer, both of us said the same thing, “we must watch this!” We were ooh-ing and ah-ing watching the trailer and he kept saying cool!

Those robots, they called them Jaegers, are even more magnificent than Transformers! Now, who said we need Autobots from the outer space to rescue us, we could build our own. :) Love the way that the pilots would always say the name of the moves out loud before they strike. That sounds very Janapense-Ultraman-style, but it is cool! I’m never a fan of Ultraman, but surprisingly I love Pacific Rim Jaegers.

Whenever I saw the Jaegers fighting, my adrenaline pumped up too. I didn’t feel much of that when I watched Transformers. Yeah, Optimus Prime is cool and “handsome”, but Gipsy Danger is cooler and more magnificent! I kept ooh-ing and woah-ing. The music also plays a major role in the movie. They sound pretty impressive and make the Jaegers “appear” to be very stylish. You MUST listen to the ending song played during the credits. It sounds really fantastic! And it totally matches the grandness of Jaegers. Andrew and I were still watching and listening to the song when the credits played. :D

The moment I first saw Charlie Hunnam, I thought to myself, why this man looks so weird? Somehow, I don’t find him attractive. He seems to be trying too hard to impress in the movie. When I saw the Japanese girl, I thought, why the director picked all the non-attractive people for this movie lah aiyo!!! She sounds like she was reading from the script. Saw her in the trailer of 47 Ronin, she doesn’t sound like that anymore. Luckily there is Idris Elba. Oh gosh, he exudes such overwhelming power in the movie. Whenever he appeared, you could feel the power and authority that he represented. Great actor. I didn’t recognise him in Pacific Rim. However, when I went to watch Thor: The Dark World, Andrew said when Heimdall appeared, “this the man from Pacific Rim”. My lips went “O” for a long time! No wonder they both give me the same feeling.

Apart from the rookie performance of Charlie Hunnam and Mako Mori, I enjoyed the movie a lot. If you love Transformers, you just gotta watch Pacific Rim.

“Today we are cancelling the apocalypse.” – Stacker Pentecost

And here’s the ending song, Googled for it, it’s called Drift.

Returning The Favor

To return the favor, it could be either good or bad.

We are taught to return the favor when someone helps us. We are never taught to return the favor when someone is mean to us, or we call it revenge. It is always said that revenge only makes you feeling even more bitter, makes you a hater. Even if you manage to return the favor, you can’t undo what is done.

Unlike returning a good deed, others feel happy and you feel happier. Returning the favor should be a circle, it goes round and round, on and on, it should never stop. We often feel elated when we help someone and the world could always use an extra helping hand.

We are also told that to treat people how you would want to be treated, never do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. Recently, I saw the photo below on Facebook and I laughed. I laughed, and I concurred.

FB Image

When the other person doesn’t really care about me, I feel that it is only wasting time to continue to show that I care. Someone said, keep showing them the love since they may need it. Hell with that. I’m not a saint. I can’t love someone who constantly treats me like a doormat. I may or may not return the favor, but I will certainly distant myself from that person, either physically or emotionally.

A very simple rule, you treat me nice, and I’ll treat you the same. When you are mean to me, please don’t expect me to be an angel. When I turn my back on you, you should know damn well that it is time for you to walk out of my life. Don’t go around telling others how I have failed you, remember, it works both way.

Have you ever revenged? Was it really “sweet revenge”?

The Horror

I used to love horror movies (in fact I still love them) and I wouldn’t have nightmares after watching them. I could still go on with my daily life not worrying if I would see a ghost or some spirit is going to haunt me.

Years ago, when I was still a college student, I watched Ju-On together with my housemates at home. That movie, is my curse. I couldn’t get rid of those images from my head! I was so scared that I called Andrew (who wasn’t home to watch the movie together) and told him to come home IMMEDIATELY (he was my housemate back then). He would now recall that I sounded like I was just being robbed. LOL! Ju-On is really scary s*** I tell ya!

I have this love-hate relationship with horror movies since then, I want to watch them but I am also scared. Andrew doesn’t appreciate that part of me. He doesn’t like horror movies and he doesn’t understand why I still want to watch them when I feel so scared. He refuses to watch horror movies in the cinema, or I should say he doesn’t even want to watch them. I literally have to beg him to watch it with me, but he never budge. :( Luckily he said yes for watching The Conjuring in the cinema! That’s because I told him it’s based on a true story! The last time he watched a horror movie with me in a cinema (before The Conjuring), he fell asleep!!! T__T

I only watch horror movies at home when Andrew is around. Also, I will only watch horror movies after I take my shower. Hahaha. You ask, what has shower got to do with watching horror movies? All because of Ju-On lah! There was a scary scene happened in the bathroom while the girl was taking her shower…… Gosh!!! Don’t remind me of that! Andrew will always remind me to take my shower first if I want to watch horror movies. :P I dare not to go to the bathroom after watching the movies, or, I will leave the bathroom door open. Hahahahahaha.

So, why do I still love watching horror movies? Let’s just say I love the mystery or story behind every horror movie. There is always a reason behind a haunted place, and it is always related to human. Horror movies are, most of the times, telling you a story from a different perspective. Don’t you want to know why that house is haunted? Why the spirits become restless? Why the living ones did what they did? Why……

I have never watched the trailer above to the end…… Whenever I saw this trailer on TV, I would quickly cover my ears and close my eyes! LOL!!! I’ve not watched the movie too, it looks too scary. Hahahaha.

Few years back, Andrew got me this movie, Dead Silence, since I told him I wanted to watch. I put the DVD on, just 5 minutes the movie started, I close and off everything. That scene is the beginning of the trailer above too. The moment I saw it was zooming in on the bed with something covered underneath the blanket, I hit pause! I was so scared and, Andrew wasn’t home!!! I think I deserve a trophy for acting so quick to hit the pause button, it was lightning quick I tell ya! LOL!

There was once I saw this trailer on TV, can’t remember what movie is that. I didn’t know it was a horror movie trailer, I screamed the moment I saw the ghost! Idiot!!! And Andrew was laughing! @__@

Do you like horror movies?

“Come out, come out, wherever you are.” – Hide and Seek

Monsters University

I love Monsters, Inc.! So, I would never miss a “monsters” sequel. Right after Monsters, Inc., I already know that they were making a sequel. Finally!!! I told Andrew that no matter what, I MUST watch! Hahahaha. However, this is not a sequel. It is a prequel to Monsters, Inc. Story about the monsters before they become the employees in Monsters, Inc.

I was so happy and excited that morning, felt like a little kid again. Hahaha. You know, sometimes it is so easy for me to feel happy. :) When I saw Sully and Mike on the big screen again, I had to control myself not to yell like a kid, “Sully!!! Mikey!!!” LOL! Somehow I miss being in Disneyland, you get to do all that yelling and shouting like a kid and no one would look at you with that this-girl-is-so-weird-and-childish look.

Anyway, back to the movie. I still prefer Monsters, Inc. Monsters University somehow does not have that much of “funny factors”. It is funny, but it is also pretty forgettable. You laugh, and that’s it. It doesn’t leave a big impression on the audiences. There isn’t a particular scene that I can really remember and still laugh about. I enjoyed a great laugh, and that’s it.

I guess the movie is trying to tell us that, your performance in academic doesn’t define your future. You fail on papers, you can still well be successful in life later on. And, attitude is all that matters.

 

Gravity 2013

You may have noticed that I don’t write movie reviews much lately. How can a movie-goer suddenly stop watching movies? No way. I still watch movies, but I am too lazy to write about them. I blame my hormones. LOL! Guess now I am back to my normal self to start blogging/writing again. You’ll be seeing a few movie reviews in the next few days, just skip my blog lah for a few days if you don’t want to read them.

Didn’t know about Gravity until it was in the cinema and I constantly heard people raving about it. “It was so amazing that you could actually feel like you’re in the space! It was so real! It was so cool! You gotta watch it in IMAX, unbelievable! Best space movie ever!” Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…… To be honest, it didn’t attract me at all even after watching the trailer. Oh well, Andrew wanted to watch and I don’t mind since there’s George Clooney. :D

Twenty minutes into the movie, when the adventure started, I got restless. I got so impatient with Sandra Bullock’s character being so stupid and stubborn in the movie. LOL! I also got impatient with the atmosphere of the movie. Nothing is moving…… Everything stays still…… Floating and drifting helplessly…… Some said that is the power of the movie, that the experience of the character in the movie felt so real. Apart from feeling “real”, I felt boring too. -__- I got restless and impatient because I wanted the movie to end faster since I already could predict the ending. Okay, that’s how it feels in the space…… I don’t need someone to use 90 minutes to tell me that. I already know in the first 30 minutes…… @__@

Andrew enjoyed the movie, a lot. In fact, a lot of people did. I’m the odd one! What makes me more sad is, George Clooney appeared for like maybe 30 minutes ONLY!!!

Nevertheless, it’s still a good educational movie for all of us.

Not forgetting the excellent performance of Sandra Bullock. She’s such a great actress.